Ô Christmas lights

I spent about an hour an a half hanging the outside garlands and lights. This is one time when I really miss having a man in the house. You bring him a cup of hot coffee, put on your best smile and say sweetly: “Honey?...”

Since I didn’t have a designated victim, I did it myself. I don’t know if you ever read Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat. There’s a scene in there where a man hangs a painting... Let’s say I made him look gifted.

Not the slightest nook or crevasse to hang the tiniest hook to fix the bloody contraption. I battled a windchill factor of about –15, with full winter gear. I stood on the one chair I have that isn’t stable. I fell from the one chair I have that isn’t stable. My fingers were too frozen to feel much  but I briefly wondered if one finger was broken. It’s not, only half a nail was lifted which is now turning a disturbing violet. I tried tie-wraps, plastic hooks, even metal ties... I leaned backwards precariously to wrap the lights around the garlands and then the beads around the lights. Then I battled the wind to fix the shining boughs. It was a really challenging enterprise and the darn wind was howling. When all was finally done, I was utterly cold, my fingers were frozen and I had had quite enough.

With the intense satisfaction of a job well done, I took a leasurly, relaxing bath. At least it was relaxing until I put my hands in the water. After that my fingers started to thaw and burned like liquid fire and I wasn't relaxed at all.

I emerged from my bath warm and clean, slipped into comfortable jammies and went to the window to contemplate my creation shimmering in the fading light. It was shimmering all right. The complete thing lied on the ground. After an hour and half of work, it took less then fifteen minutes to crash hopelessly on the front porch.

I looked at the tangled garlands, beads, lights, boughs all lying in a heap with frank disgust. I wondered why nobody ever decorated the ground, rather than heights. I decided hanging Christmas decorations was a stupid tradition, and a waste of electricity. I left it all there, exactly as it was. Visitors, if you come tonight, lift your feet at the entrance. There are a few things in the way.

It’s Decorations: I  Brigitte: 0 for now. The re-match is tomorrow, and tomorrow... is another day.