For the first time of my life, I am deeply attached to the walls that shelter me, to the small garden that surrounds me, to the immense sky that weighs on me at home.
It is nice to live in a place one loves, but it’s double-edged. My feet are itching. I’d be otherwise ready to go spend a few years in Ottawa and once I’m an Assistant Deputy Minister, keep on going west and join my brother in Vancouver. Or something like that. I’d happily drag the little family with me, to show my son other parts of the country, other cultures which don’t say: “Tsu vo vouère mon ostsie!”
But there’s the snag. I’ve always left friends and family behind in search of new horizons, confident that new ones would come along. But never have I been attached to brick and mortar, which by the way has a crack under the kitchen window on the outside wall, but that’s another matter altogether. Never have I been attached to a young maple tree planted by our family circle that I would dearly like to see grow into a proud, majestic, golden splendor.
I’ve loved and left cities, Antibes, Bay St-Louis… and they hold forever a piece of my heart. I’ve loved and lost pets (another big chunk of heart). I’ve loved and lost and left people. But walls? This is such a first that I don’t quite know what to make of it. If you are lucky enough to find such a shelter, do you hang on to it for as long as you can? If I leave, will I only bitterly regret it later?
Readers, especially my many Southern Chinese readers, are welcome to advise me on this matter. I’m eager for wise advice. Less than wise advice is acceptable too (I must cater to the actual capacities of my friends…)
I say brick and mortar. You've done the moving and leaving thing, been there done that. Trust me, as long as you are on the road, you'll long for those bricks and mortar. Now that you have them, cherish them and maybe some day you'll regain the option to have the best of both worlds...
ReplyDeleteGod knows I hate the different "osties" and the horrible accent my grandson has adopted but I agree with the brick and mortar option. Stick to it for now. It's too early to leave. Again.
ReplyDeleteI think that noone can give you any WISE advice. It's something far too personal for having others to decide. Only you or people who know you really well can help.
ReplyDeleteEach time I've got to make that crucial choice, i.e. 'Should I stay or should I go?', I almost pray for someone to tell me: 'No, please, don't go cause we're going to miss you too much and we don't want to lose you' but it never happens. People just answer that they love me too much to make a choice. Jusqu'á maintenant, j'ai toujours pris la route, toujours opté pour l'inconnu. Was I wrong or right? There's no answer. Maybe it's different when you have a child though? You tell me.
Well, yes m'am. With a child, I can't just pack up and go as I used to. There's no longer just me to worry about. On the other hand, a little bit of wandering is good, I believe, for children, to open their horizons... But the LOGISTICS, once you have a child!!!!!!! You no longer have just suitcases. You have a home. If you want to leave, it's the home you have to move. Pretty daunting. Still, buying a house was a much bigger, scarier step for me than having a child...
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