SO SORRY

I was driving to the grocery store, not very fast, on a completely residential street full of brand new houses. A pick-up truck decided to pull out from its entrance and pull right in front of me, even though the street was deserted. I grumbled. A ton of water that was in the back for some reason drained out of it as it pulled. I was maybe 3 meters behind the truck.

Then it happened so fast, but so clearly. Suddenly in the midst of the gushing water there was a... cat!... he looked puzzled as he fell, he hadn't even turned back on its four paws, so he really looked like a little fuzzy doll falling thinking: "Wooooah".

Right under my car. I hit the breaks to a complete stop in a big screech of tires. I thought "Oh no. Oh no." I looked in the rearview mirror, hoping to see a furry shape speeding away. I got out of my car slowly, willing the cat not to be still under it. But he was. I couldn't avoid it. I partially ran over its head. Its back limbs were flailing in agony. A small teenager cat with long hair and a head deformed and half-crushed under my tires.

I've never EVER run over anything. Much less a CAT. There was no way I could avoid it. If the truck had not pulled right in front of me, the cat would have fallen behind, on a clear road, unharmed. As it was, it fell from the truck right under my wheels.

The owner and driver of the truck somehow got that something had happened and stopped and backed-up. When he found out what had happened, he cursed loudly. Out of their 3 cats, this one was the favorite, he said. He just walked away to his house, and I couldn't believe he would even come near enough to see. I couldn't leave. By then my eyes were full of tears. I asked a neighbor who was standing there, watching the whole thing with sympathy: "Do you have the courage to put it out of its misery?" "It's dead", he answered. I looked down, and indeed, mercifully, the body was now still. But its agony had lasted two endless minutes. The owner finally came over with a garbage bag in which he scooped his poor little cat.

I drove away and sobbed like a five year-old. I killed a cat! I did. Of all creatures, my dearest one. I got my heart broken numerous times before as beloved cats were ran over. I'm always so sad when I see the body of a cat on the side of the road, but this time, I'm the culprit. One second it was alive and bewildered, the next it was horribly maimed and in agony. By my hand, well my car.

I'm still crying. Shrug in contempt if you will. It breaks my heart.